Title: The Times Are A-Changing
Author: Sadie
Rating: PG-13 There is an F word or two thrown in, for good measure.
Prompt: From Lorein’s Challenge: “- Ben grew up with Michael and has always seen him as a friend ..one he helps with homework and such...until a new transfer student
(Brian) takes a liking to him...”
A/N: Special thanks to bestmixtape for the title name and the editing help, as usual.

( The Times are Changing )

Ben sat in the plastic chair, ignoring the discomfort that racked his worn down, tired, dirt-covered body. He sat there for what must have been hours, holding his husband’s hand. His thumb absent-mindedly ran along the smooth skin on the back of Michael’s hand. It was the only part of him that seemed to have remained unmarked. He bit back tears as he looked up into his partner’s face. His beautiful face. It didn’t resemble the care-free loving man he knew. It looked nothing like him. Ben bit back tears, holding his breath, trying to remain strong. He found it was easier if he focused in on the hand. If he could block out the sound of the machines helping Michael breathe, if he could avert his eyes from his husband’s face, if all he looked at was the hand – it was almost as if it didn’t happen. He bargained with God. He asked for God to take him instead of Michael. He did everything he could in his power to make it right. And when nothing else seemed to work, Ben replayed the night over and over again in his head. He recalled Ted asking Michael to go get water for his date. He beat himself into the ground for not going to get the drink himself. Michael had everything to live for. He had his daughter, Hunter, Deb … and most of all he didn’t have the disease that Ben did, flowing through his veins. It would have made more sense for him to end up in this hospital bed than Michael. Michael was young and healthy. Ben was the one who was supposed to be hooked up to the machines, Michael’s hand holding his. As much as Ben prided himself on being strong, he wasn’t strong enough for this. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t willing, to sit by Michael’s bedside and let him die. He was going to get better. Yes. He was going to sit up any moment now, look at Ben with those beautiful dark brown eyes, and demand to know why someone wasn’t watching the comic store. Only that didn’t happen. It hadn’t happened by the time Deb came in, demanding that Ben go home and get cleaned up. And it hadn’t happened by the time that Ben got out of the shower, after she finally convinced him to actually leave. And so, Ben did the only thing he knew how to do, he went to school. He went to immerse himself in the only place he had ever felt real refuge – the school. When he didn’t feel any better after his first class, he skipped the rest of his classes and went back to the hospital. He didn’t leave a note, he didn’t tell the secretary. He didn’t tell anyone. He just left. And he spent more time praying and bargaining with whoever was listening to his silent prayers. Deb tried to get him to leave again. She tried to convince him to go get some sleep, to take care of himself. But he couldn’t. And he wouldn’t. He just kept praying for another chance, another few moments – so he could look into Michael’s eyes and get lost again. He wanted to tell his husband that he loved him, that he meant the world to him. And when he got that chance, when Michael opened his eyes again, Ben smiled to himself. He had a second chance at life. And he wasn’t going to waste a moment of it.

I stretched lazily as the sun first drifted in through the window, moving carefully so I didn’t disturb Ben. I smiled to myself as I remembered what the day was and turned over, grateful he was still asleep. It was rare that I would wake before he would. Watching him sleep made me feel so at peace though, I always thought to myself I should make a habit of it. The hair fell across his forehead and the sun filtered in against his face making him appear even more peaceful. The way his chest rose and fell with his breathing always made me thankful that we had another day together.

I slid out of the bed silently and pulled on a pair of sweatpants quickly, pausing for just a moment at the end of the bed to gaze down at him one more time. I grinned widely, noticing that after all these years the sight of his bare chest and crooked sleepy smile could still make my heart pound a little faster.

I hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen, my mind wandering to the many times that Ben had awakened before me. I was attempting to remember the way he made those egg white omelets, and as I opened the refrigerator, I felt my body flush at the thought of those mornings I would wake up with his lips against my spine, leaving a trail from the base all the way up to my neck. I smiled to myself at the memories of waking up with his body covering mine, his hands running along my body, his lips against my neck. We had so many wonderful memories together that I was not even a quarter of the way through with them when I finished making breakfast.

I placed all the food onto the wooden tray, along with the two cups of tea and a fresh bowl of fruit before starting back up the stairs quickly. I walked into the bedroom quietly, hoping that he hadn’t already gotten up. I smiled to myself as I stood at the side of the bed, setting the tray down on the nightstand and feeling that familiar tightening of my entire body as my breath caught in my throat. I only hoped that he felt the same heart racing, butterfly in the stomach feelings still.

I pulled back the covers, slipping my body down next to his, my hands running along his chest and his hard abs slowly, my lips against his neck, my tongue flicking out slightly against his ear. I felt him stir and smiled to myself as his arm wrapped around me as he pulled me onto top of him, his eyes still closed. I kissed his bottom lip tenderly as his eyes opened slowly. “Mmm. Good morning to you too.”

I grinned, my hand reaching up to stroke his cheek softly. “Happy Anniversary, baby.” I kissed his lips deeply and was rewarded by the feeling of both of his arms wrapping around me, sliding up and under my shirt quickly. I pulled back to look at him and saw him smiling widely at me.

“You too, Brown Eyes.” I moved over to my side of the bed, grabbing the tray and setting it in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at me slightly and said “This all looks so good, Michael.”

I laughed and shoved his arm, “Why do you look so surprised?”

He looked over at me as he picked up his fork and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. “I hope you boys are decent!”

I groaned audibly and looked over at Ben, speaking in a quick quiet tone. “You’d think after all these fucking years she’d knock or at least call. Jesus Christ.”

My mother stuck her head into the door and walked in carrying a cake. “What are you still doing in bed? Oooh.” She made a knowing face and I buried my face in my hands. I was a grown man and she could still embarrass me.

Ben laughed softly, “Hey, Deb.”

She smiled proudly and held the cake out. “Fifteen fucking years. Fifteen years! I’m so happy for both of you.” Ben looked at me knowingly as she bent down and kissed his cheek and leaned over to kiss me quickly. “What do you two have planned for the day?”

I glared slightly at her, but couldn’t help but smile. “Well you interrupted what we WERE doing, Ma. But Hunter’s coming up from New York with Alex. They’re going to have dinner.”

I peered out of the corner of my eye at Ben, watching his face light up. Hunter had followed in Ben’s footsteps. He had graduated from college, was teaching at a university in New York and had even published two books. I heard more footsteps clambering up the stairs and watched as my mother attempted to hold back a smile.

“Jesus Ma, did you invite more people into my bedroom??” I shook my head.

“Hey old dudes, I hear you’ve been married FOREVER now.” Hunter bounded into our bedroom, followed closely by Alex, who stood back a bit, clearly uncomfortable.

Ben’s smile increased tenfold as he greeted them, “Hey Pal, doesn’t that make five years for the both of you now?”

Alex smiled sweetly and Hunter laughed. “Yes, five years. Which makes us not NEARLY as old as you two.”

”Thanks for reminding me,” Ben said with a grateful tone to his voice. Growing old wasn’t something that either of us dreaded. I counted down the days to birthdays or anniversaries. They were something to be celebrated. We were growing old together. Something that I don’t think either one of us every allowed ourselves to imagine, really.

I looked up at Hunter and smiled proudly. He had turned into a wonderful man, and Ben had been there through all of it. I had never seen him look prouder than he did the day that Ben and Alex got married. When they were pronounced man and wife, I looked over to see Ben’s eyes shining with pride and love. He had never lost his incredibly sarcastic sense of humor through the years. He made the both of us dance with him at his wedding reception, and still called us old dudes. Years ago, I would have wanted to smack him or called him a little shit. But now a days I welcomed the term old. I wanted to be old, and I wanted to grow old with Ben.

Brian laughed at me and my calendars with the countdown to Ben’s birthday written on them. “Mikey, Mikey, Mikey. Birthdays are not to be celebrated like this anymore. We aren’t 15. Pathetic.” But he always said it with a smile and followed it with a hug. He knew how important it was to me to have Ben there when JR graduated from high school or when she got married.

I was shaken from my thoughts rudely to see everyone staring at me. “Michael!” I looked up at my mother. “Are we going to cut this fucking cake or what?”

Prompt #90: Home


I could have killed my mother when she walked in the door as Ben was about to carry me over the threshold. She took every ounce of pure joy I felt at the moment and sucked it out of me. She had that ability you know. The same way she always knew what was going on, what I was doing, WHO I was doing. She could make or break my mood. I can’t believe she was siding with Mel on all of this. She’s my mother for Christ’ sake. She should be on my side. Always. Isn’t that what mother’s do? They stick up for you, they fight battles for you. But, no. I had the mother who was going to side with the enemy. Well maybe calling Mel the enemy is harsh. But really, why can’t Ma see my side?

She had left hours ago, we had finished as much painting as we were going to get done for the day, and Justin had left. Hunter was staying the night at a friend’s house and Ben and I had just finished dinner. I took the plates and laid them in the sink, looking down at them for a minute, still wondering why my mother was so upset. I wasn’t saying she was a bad mother. She was a wonderful mother to me. She always made sure I had everything I needed. She worked hard to make sure I could have things I wanted. And she was the most embarrassing but also the most understanding mother I had ever met. Mel was nothing like her though. She couldn’t do this on her own. I jumped slightly, as Ben’s hands slid around my waist from behind. I felt his lips press against my neck and his breath was hot against my ear as he whispered to me, “Where are you, Brown Eyes?” I turned around in his arms and tilted my head up, pressing my lips lightly against his.

“I’m still so mad about my mom, Ben –“ He cut me off, his arms tightening around my waist, pulling me close to him, as he kissed me harder and longer than – well, ever.

“Baby, it will work out. We will all figure something out together, and your mother was just hurt, she did not mean anything by it.” He stroked my back slowly and I looked up into his eyes. His beautiful eyes – they always took away any sort of negative feelings I had It was like he had this superpower. All he had to do was look into my eyes in his caring and tender way and he could take all of my pain, my frustration, my fears and dissolve them into insignificant thoughts. One look into his eyes and I could simply forget whatever it was I was currently fixated on. His hand reached up to stroke my cheek softly and I felt my eyes drift close and I nuzzled my face in against his hand for a moment before I buried my face in his chest. I breathed in deeply. I loved the way he smelled – whether it was after a shower, first thing in the morning, after we had just made love, or when he finished working out. He had this smell and it was purely intoxicating.

I breathed him in again, as his hands slowly started to work their way along my body. I felt every muscle in my body relax as I gave into him. He always knew what I needed, what I wanted, the way to make me feel better. I felt my body slump against his, and he held onto me tightly, his lips making their way to my neck as his hands slid up under my shirt. His hands – I loved his hands too. They were so big, and so strong, and when they touched me every nerve in my body seemed to come alive and I felt myself slip away to an entirely different place. Where nothing mattered. Nothing except Ben, his skin on mine, his body against mine, his breath against me, his lips on mine, my hands along his strong body, my fingers tangled in his hair.

I felt myself press against him. Suddenly, I needed him. More than I could ever remember needing him before. My hips pressed up against his, his hands against my back became rougher, almost needy as well. He slipped his hands up, pulling my shirt up and over my head, and I started to unbutton his shirt, kissing the skin as it became exposed. When I reached the last button, I dipped my head down, flicking my tongue against his belly button. I was met with a pleasant groan, which only fueled the intensity of my need. I removed his belt, shifting my head back up to catch his mouth with mine, kissing him hungrily as I unzipped his pants. I felt him work my pants down quickly, his hands rubbing my already hard cock through my boxer-briefs. I slid my hand into his pants, wrapping my hand around him, stroking him slowly. I stepped out of my pants quickly, as Ben started to slide my boxer-briefs down.

I ran my hands through his hair, as he bent down, pulling my briefs down past my knees. I closed my eyes, enjoying the effect his fingertips had against my bare skin. As he ran his fingers gently back up the insides of my legs, I shivered slightly. I heard an audible gasp leave my mouth as he flicked his tongue along the tip of my cock. “Fuck, Ben. Please, hurry!” I had never felt or sounded so desperate to have him inside of me.

He turned me around quickly, his fingers running along my back, my hands braced against the kitchen sink. His tongue and lips left a wet trail from the base of my neck all the way down my spine. I heard him pull the rest of his clothes off and he broke contact with my skin for a moment. I turned around, ready to beg him to hurry again. His eyes looked into mine, and I saw him slide his finger slowly into his mouth. I groaned. It was one of the sexiest things I had ever seen. I watched him as he slid another finger into his mouth, pulling them both out slowly, as I felt myself press back against him, trying to feel his skin against mine again. He never broke eye contact, as he slid the first finger inside me. I drew my breath in sharply. He waited until I took another breath before he started to work it slowly inside me. I felt my head start to sag and my eyes closed, as I turned back around. I pressed my hips back, wanting to feel anything, everything, him. He gently slipped the other finger in and I started to buck my hips back harder, feeling him inside me, with his lips against my neck almost sent me over the edge already. “Ben, FUCK ME!” I growled loudly.

He slid his tongue along my ear slowly. “Relax, baby.”

I moaned loudly again as he removed his fingers and I heard rustling that my years with Ben had taught me was him pulling a condom from somewhere. He always had them, every part of the house, in the shower, it didn’t matter. It was almost as if they magically appeared. I was almost panting as I felt him press against my entrance. His hands slowly slid along my sides and I bit my tongue to keep from crying out for him one more time. If there was anything else my years with Ben had taught me it was that he whole-heartedly enjoyed teasing me. If I opened my mouth again he might make me wait even longer. I shifted my hips some, letting him know I was getting impatient. He laughed softly and I groaned. He was enjoying this far too much. He kissed along my shoulders softly, reaching around to stroke my throbbing cock. I whimpered loudly and felt his teeth sink into my shoulder as he slid inside me. “Jesus Christ, Ben.” I gasped out.

He slid his hands down to my hips - probably to stop me - I was already pushing back against him so hard. “Easy, baby,” he whispered into my ear. Feeling him inside me made my head swim. I lost all control, all rational thought. All I could think was that I wanted more, NEEDED more. My hips started to thrust back to meet his pace and I reached behind, grabbing at his thigh, trying to pull him deeper inside me. I felt him hit my prostate once and I am sure I saw stars. Something completely incoherent left my mouth before I groaned out, “I’m so close, Ben.”

He kissed my neck softly before nipping at it with his teeth and sucking on it gently. “I know baby.” His heavy hand started to stroke me faster.

“You feel so good,” I panted out before I felt myself going over the edge finally, cumming hard.

Ben thrust deeply into me a few more times before burying himself inside me as he moaned “Michael.” I moaned softly as I felt him explode inside me. That’s the sexiest noise he could ever make, when he moans my name like that.

I felt his body slump slightly against mine as we both fought to catch our breath. “Welcome home, baby,” he whispered against the back of my neck.

Michael had been working on this surprise for months. He had, in fact, even consulted Brian about it. He was met with a resounding “You’re pathetic.” Brian had offered to help, at one point. But Michael had refused. This was something he wanted to do on his own. He wanted to give his husband this present from himself. He was silently cursing himself, at this point. Michael had significantly depleted the “secret” savings account he had a few weeks ago. Ben pleaded with Michael to let Hunter get his driver’s license. Michael gave in, and suddenly there was a need for a family car. Ben had found the perfect one, except he was worried about the price. Michael told the other two men that he had received a large amount of money due to an endorsement that Rage had just picked up, and used over half of the savings to finish buying the car. They bought it, which was nice for the time being – but it left Michael in quite a quandary now.

He picked up his cell phone, about to hit Brian’s number on his speed dial. He sighed to himself and decided against it. An hour later, however, after staring at the computer screen, he relented and called Brian.

”Hey Mikey,” the other man said, obviously already high.

“Hey Bri,” Michael sighed.

“What’s wrong in Stepfordville?”

“Nothing, just…remember that trip to Tibet I want to get for Ben?”

Brian sighed softly on the other end. “Of course I remember, Mikey. The perfect family, the perfect fucking present, how could I forget something that made my stomach turn so much?”

“Hey, stop being an asshole. You’ve done tons of nice things for Justin.”

”That’s different. You and the professor are disillusioned and think that your little family is the American drea—“ Brian cut himself off. “Forget it. I know it’s important to you. Did you finish stashing all the money? Going to finally buy it?”

“No. I put in so much on the new car, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.”

“Michael, I told you I would help.” Brian sounded frustrated with his best friend.

“And I told you, I’m going to do this on my own.” Michael’s voice raised a notch on the other end.

“Fine. Have it your way. How will you do it? Don’t you have to purchase it before a certain time?”

Michael sighed softly once again. “Yes, the package deal I found won’t be available after the end of the month. And I wanted to give it to Ben for Christmas, anyway.”

“Well, how ‘bout selling the pain the ass? He used to sell himself. Why can’t you cash in on that?”

”Jesus Christ Brian!”

”What? Fuck. It was just a suggestion. Do you have a better idea?”

“No. And I hear Ben coming in from the gym. Call you later?”

”If I’m not busy, I’m expecting company.”

”Who are you – Forget it, I don’t want to know.”

”Right. Right. Happy little family.” Brian sneered into the other line. “Later, Mikey.”

Michael hung up, stood up and stretched. He closed the laptop on the kitchen table and headed into the living room, where he was met by that brilliant smile of Ben’s. “Hey Brown Eyes.” The bigger man moved towards Michael, encircling him in his arms. Michael buried his head in Ben’s chest, his arms at his sides, enjoying the warmth and comfort that Ben’s arms always provided him.

Ben pulled back some, using a finger to lift Michael’s chin. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Ben searched Michael’s eyes.

Michael looked away quickly, sighing. “Nothing, just a long day. And I missed you.” Michael looked up, a genuine smile lingering on his lips for a moment, before Ben leaned down and kissed his lips softly.

Ben pulled back, shrugging his jacket off. “Hunter went to the gym with me, and then to Alex’s house. He’s staying the night there.” Ben looked at Michael with a well recognized look, as he hung the jacket up in the closet. Michael was, uncharacteristically, not in the mood. He needed to figure out what he was going to do, and quickly.

Ben walked over to Michael, wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s waist, pulling him against his larger muscular body. Michael gasped slightly, and Ben pressed his hips against Michael’s hard. Michael looked up quickly, and was met by what he liked to think of as “primal Ben.” There were moments where Ben could be loving, gentle, and sweet while they made love. There were also moments where Ben reacted in a primitive nature. Moments where it was almost as if he couldn’t get enough of Michael, couldn’t get deep enough, couldn’t possess him enough. Michael always enjoyed making love with Ben. However, these were moments that he enjoyed especially. Moments where they both got lost in each other, where there were no words needed, where the simplest urges and needs were being met.
Michael shook his head a bit, trying to push all thoughts of Tibet, money, and the outside world aside, attempting to focus on his husband and the hands that had made their way under Michael’s shirt. Michael gasped and Ben’s strong arms lifted him up, his mouth never leaving his husbands. Michael wrapped his legs around Ben’s waist as Ben carried him to the couch.

An hour later, with Ben sleeping soundly beside him, Michael slipped out of the bed quietly. He stopped at the foot of their bed and watched him sleep for a minute. He smiled to himself. Ben deserved this, and Michael was going to find a way to make it happen.

Michael headed downstairs and opened his laptop. Since he came home from the hospital, after the bombing, he had trouble sleeping. He would lay awake at night and watch Ben sleep. He faked sleep most of the time, because he knew how much Ben worried about him. Initially, when he did sleep he had nightmares. He would wake in the middle of the night, his body dripping in sweat, his hands clinging to Ben’s body. The nightmares had subsided some, and he was feeling much better. But the insomnia was killing him. He hated watching the alarm clock change time, and sometimes listening to Ben breathe was reassuring. Sometimes, however, it pissed him off. He wanted to sleep like that again. So, he found solace in the form of Brian and E-bay in the early mornings. He would call Brian right when he was stumbling in from Babylon, or after a trick left for the night.

“What is it this time, Mikey? Did Hunter lose his first tooth? You couldn’t wait to tell me?” Brian asked, when Michael called him again.

“No. I can’t sleep again. I’m not sure if it’s the insomnia or the fear of not figuring out my problem with Ben’s present.”

“Wake the professor up and tell him to fuck you to sleep. And if that doesn’t work, smoke some pot, and then wake him up again. Sooner or later he’ll wear you out.” Brian’s words were getting slurred, Michael could tell he had drank quite a bit since they spoke a few hours ago.

“Brian…” Michael started and then stopped.

“Yeah?” Brian yawned.

Michael’s voice dropped to a whisper. “What if this is the last chance I have to take a trip like this?”

Brian groaned audibly into the phone. “Mikey, I have told you a million times, he’s doing fine, right? His meds are working. You said so yourself.”

Michael’s voice returned to normal, it was as if he shook himself from whatever negative place he was journeying to. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. I just worry.”

”You get that from your mother. It must be a family trait.” Brian snorted.

“Fuck you. I’m not like her…am I?” Michael started to laugh softly.

“Besides the fucking wig, you are her.”

”I just,” Michael paused for a second. “I just want to give this to him.”

”Fuck. Let me help you then.”

”No. I’ll do it. Just, don’t say anything to anyone, alright?” Michael saw Ben standing at the end of the stairs out of the corner of his eye. “Shit. Gotta go.” He hung up quickly not hearing the protest on the other end.

“Who are you talking to at this time of night?” Ben rubbed his eyes slowly.

”Brian called. He just got home.”

”Then why’d you hang up so quickly?” Ben looked at Michael holding his gaze until the smaller man looked away.

Ben sighed softly, not believing him. He knew Michael was hiding something, lately. He was never in bed anymore when Ben would wake up in the middle of the night, he was jumpy, he was always whispering into his phone. Michael looked down. “I just couldn’t sleep, I didn’t want to bother you.”

Ben crossed the span between them quickly, leaning down to kiss his husband, and running his hands along his raven hair. “I feel like I shouldn’t believe you, but I’m too tired to argue the point. Are you coming back to bed?” Ben started back towards the stairs, wondering what could make Michael hide something from him. They were always honest with each other, almost to a fault. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turning his head to look over his shoulder. “Don’t stay up too much longer; the bed’s lonely without you.”

Michael nodded and turned back to his laptop. He logged onto e-Bay, as he had done so many times lately. He was always checking to make sure there wasn’t some valuable comic that someone less educated in the ways of Batman or Captain Astro was stupid enough to let go for a cheap price. Tonight, though, he noticed two bidders battling out over a collector’s edition Captain Astro figurine. His eyes opened wide when he noticed they were bidding an outrageous amount of money on it. He had the same figurine. He picked up the phone. He was going to call Brian and tell him he figured out his solution. But then he figured he would only catch hell for selling it, and not taking Brian’s money.

One week later, after seven full days of tension, Michael’s figurine was purchased. He was wrapping the box in bubble wrap when the memories started to come flooding back. The box had smelled just like his old room. The memories of staying up all night the day before the next issue would be available, keeping Brian awake all night discussing comics that Brian had no interest in, running right to the comic store every Tuesday, hoping the new shipments had come in and were already in their displays. He sighed to himself as he addressed the box. Someone in New York had purchased the figurine. He gave serious thought to backing out. The box was being sent to a corporation. He imagined it was some bigwig in a large corporation who would have neither the respect nor the love for Captain Astro the way he did.

He talked himself out of it, and finally put the box in the pile of mail to be sent out. All of his doubts faded the day he finally purchased the tickets to Tibet for him and his husband. He could hardly wait to see his face when he opened it. Ben had been staying at the gym longer, and eating even healthier lately. Michael was concerned that he was going to get sick soon. He tried to live in the now, as he promised Ben he would. But it was hard, every time Ben would sneeze or cough, Michael would feel his heart skip a beat. He knew that this trip would not only be good for both of them but would fulfill something that he knew Ben wanted to do before he could no longer take the trip with his husband.

Christmas morning came not a moment too soon; Michael was up at six, watching Ben sleep. He liked to watch the rise and fall of his husband’s chest, listen to his breathing, watch the movement of the muscles in Ben’s back when he would stretch first thing in the morning. The breathing reassured Michael that they had another day, and watching the large muscular frame wake was purely selfish. It reminded him of all the reasons his breath still caught in his throat when the other man walked into a room.

Today, though, Michael had no patience to let Ben wake slowly, to take in the sight of the bare chest rise and fall, to watch the slow eye opening, and warm smile that Ben greeted him with every morning. He could only wait until seven, and then he started making as much noise as he could. When Ben didn’t stir in the first fifteen minutes, he groaned out loud. “Beeeeeeeeen.”

Ben mumbled against the pillow before lifting his head. “What time is it?” He opened one eye slowly.

“It’s 7:15, get up.” Michael restrained himself from jumping on the bed and shaking him.

“Did Santa come?” Ben chuckled to himself. “I thought I would have to worry about Hunter waking us up early for presents, not you.”

Michael crossed his arms over his chest. “Very funny, get up.”

Ben threw the covers back, “Alright, alright. I’m up.”

Minutes later, after waking a fairly upset Hunter up, they were gathered around the tree. Michael patiently waited for Hunter to open all of his gifts and then handed Ben a few small gifts, a shirt, a new journal, and a book. Then Michael handed him the last box.

Ben looked at him puzzled and opened it slowly. “Hurry up!” Michael whined.

Ben opened the box under the paper and found an envelope. Inside were two tickets to Tibet, their hotel accommodations, and an itinerary for the trip. His eyes got wide, and he looked up with Michael. “Oh Brown Eyes … how did you? I mean – it must have cost..”

Michael leaned over, cutting his husband off with a kiss and said “It was the rest of the money from the comic deal,” and changed the subject quickly. “I thought it might be nice to see Tibet with you.”

Michael felt he had made a great decision, especially later that night, as Ben’s strong hands gripped at his hips, his eyes focused on Michael’s as the muscles in his arms rippled every time he slid into his husband.

Later, as he lay safely inside Ben’s arms, his entire body relaxed he almost told Ben what he did, as Ben asked. “Are you sure we can afford this?” But he merely reached down, rubbing his hand along Ben’s stomach slowly.

”Mmmhmm I’m sure.”

Ben chuckled softly. “You are simply insatiable lately, baby.”

The months before the trip passed quickly. The trip went well, although they both agreed it was entirely too short. Michael had forgotten the Captain Astro figurine until Ben brought it up one day. “Michael, I saw an article somewhere on how that Captain Astro figurine you were telling me about is going to be worth quite a bit in the future. We should go have it appraised.” He winked at Michael. “Maybe it will be enough to pay for Hunter’s college years.”

Michael swallowed hard and looked down at his plate. Ben had made a romantic dinner, for just the two of them. Hunter had stayed at a friend’s place, grumbling as he walked out the door about how he was getting kicked out “so the they could make all the noise they wanted.”

He pushed the food around on his plate and Ben raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing,” Michael sighed.

“Oh, I almost forgot, I realize that your birthday isn’t for another week, but I wanted to give you your present early.” Michael looked up at his husband, forcing himself to smile widely.

Ben grabbed a wrapped box from the bookshelf and sat it in front of him, grinning. “Go ahead, open it.” Michael started to tear into the paper. As soon as he saw the box, his heart dropped. “Ben, where did you get this?”

”What do you mean?” Ben asked, not able to contain the smile on his face.

“This box .. where did you…?”

”Aren’t you going to open the box and see what’s inside?” Ben chuckled softly, leaning over to kiss his husband’s lips quickly.

Michael looked down at his own handwriting, staring up at him from the box, and then back at Ben.

“I saw it on eBay. I was actually looking for something to get you for Christmas. Once I figured out it was you selling it, I continued to bid on it. It was tough, someone else was fighting me for it. And I used the money I had been secretly saving to buy it.” He looked directly into Michael’s eyes and whispered, “I was saving it to take my husband on a trip to Tibet.”

“You asshole,” Michael said softly, blinking away tears as he tore into the box, unwrapping the bubble wrap from the Captain Astro figurine. “You’ve been hiding this for all these months?”

Ben nodded slowly. “Mmhmm.”

Michael looked up at him, with a questioning look. “But I sent it to New York.”

Ben winked, “I have a connection.”

Michael crossed his arms, obviously not satisfied with his husband’s answer.

“Justin. I had you send it to a place Justin could pick it up from.”

Michael’s face started to flush red. “You mean that he knew the whole time too? That --”

Ben cut him off, reaching a hand up to his cheek and pulling him in for a kiss. Michael, never one to resist the affections of his husband, melted into the kiss and felt a sigh escape his lip. He hated keeping secrets from Ben. It made him feel horrible, every time. He felt a huge sense of relief, no more secrets from Ben. Ben’s hand began running along Michael’s body, tugging at his shirt, and running his hands under it. Michael pulled back from the kiss and looked up at Ben. “I’m so sorry, I just needed a way to make the trip happen, and Brian offered, but I wanted to do it myself,” The words were tumbling out of his mouth at breakneck speed until Ben put a finger to his lips. Michael smiled softly, pressing his lips against Ben’s as the larger man’s strong arms wrapped around him, lifting him up and carrying him up the stairs.

36: Smell


Michael walked in from the backyard, having just pulled weeds, mowed the yard, and basically done anything he could to keep his mind from where it wanted to go. It wanted to take him back to the last few minutes Ben was with him. The moments where Michael had held him in his arms, touched him gently, and spoken to him softly. It has hard. Ben had always been so strong, so in charge.

Michael sat down at the kitchen table and sighed to himself. Hunter was away at school, he had come back for the funeral – even stayed two weeks. But, he had to go back to his own life. Michael was attempting to do the same. But it was hard. Sometimes the smallest things would set him off. Sometimes the smallest things would make all the memories come back. It had only been three weeks since Ben left him alone. Michael suddenly felt so angry. He had left him alone. He had shown him what true love was, he had loved him, taken care of him, shown him how he should have been treated all his life, and then he fucking left.

Michael threw his chair back, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard. He would not cry again. Ben had implicitly asked him to save his tears, to remember all the happy times. “Well, guess what Ben, it’s not that fucking easy.” Michael was screaming out to Ben by the time he hit the top of the stairs. “It’s not that fucking easy. Do you hear me? I fucking hate you for leaving me.” Michael swung open the bedroom door. The room where he couldn’t bear to change the pillowcase from Ben’s side of the bed, he hadn’t removed anything from Ben’s dresser, and the closet was exactly as Ben left it, the day Michael took him to the hospital with hopes that the doctors could bring his husband’s fever down.

Michael began ripping the dresser drawers out, one by one, tossing the full dresser drawers into a pile. He didn’t even want the dresser in the room anymore. Everything that reminded him of his pain, he wanted it all gone. When he finished with the dresser drawers, he headed for the closet, still in a rage. The shirts were fling into the pile, one by one, and the shoes were next to follow. Michael couldn’t see up on the top shelf, so he pulled the overstuffed arm chair from the side of the bed up the closet.

He had successfully pulled down every plastic container and shoebox, throwing them all into the pile. Old photos were scattered everywhere, letters, notes, old college papers Ben had saved – they were all over the middle of the bedroom.

There was one more item in the very back, Michael had to stand on his tip toes just to reach it. He pulled it down, and was about to throw the box into the stack when he noticed there was an envelope with his name on it stuck to the box. He pulled it off, his anger still red hot, and sat down onto the chair. He took a deep breath as Ben’s neat and proper handwriting stared back at him in the form of a letter.

My dearest Brown Eyes,
If you’ve found this, it must mean that I have left you. Well, that or you are sneaking and looking for your Christmas presents. Either one. I want to tell you that I never wanted to leave you, it was as hard for me to go as what you are going through now. I never wanted to cause you any pain. By now you must be so angry with me. Don’t look so shocked, I know you well, baby. Please don’t be. I will continue to love you always. I never promised you forever, but I did promise to always love you, and I do. I still do. Whenever you begin to doubt that, wear this. I love you.
Always yours,
Ben

Michael wiped away the tears, opening the box seated on his lap. He pulled out Ben’s old Carnagie Melon sweatshirt, and smiled. Michael loved when Ben would wear it. It was part of the Ben that he knew others rarely got to see. The jeans and torn up old sweatshirt Ben. Michael stood up, sliding the shirt over his head, and was immediately assaulted by the smell of Ben’s cologne and aftershave. He immediately curled up onto the bed and closed his eyes. He could feel Ben’s arms around him, his warm body surrounding him and keeping him safe. He buried his face in the shirt, breathing in his husband’s scent and laughed out loud. “Damn you, Ben. Now I feel like an ass for everything I’ve said.” He opened his eyes and looked down at the mess of Ben’s possessions in the middle of the floor and sighed to himself. “I’ll pick it up tomorrow, I promise,” he said out loud before closing his eyes and losing himself in Ben’s scent again. “I love you,” he whispered softly, snuggling up to Ben’s old pillow. Michael could almost swear he heard Ben’s voice whisper back, “You too, baby.”

Michael immediately threw the covers back and turned to check on Ben. He watched the rise and fall of his chest, listened to his steady breathing, brushing his lips against the larger man’s forehead as he leaned down to brush a hair from his face. As soon as he felt safe in the fact that Ben was well and still fast asleep, he headed down the hall and into bedroom next door.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, not able to contain the smile that covered his face. There he was, the covers thrown off the bed, leg cocked up at what appeared to be the most uncomfortable position ever, and his hair strewn across the pillow. He started to enter the room and then decided not to wake him. Hunter had been attending college in upstate New York for the past three years. Michael practically had to bribe the young man to get him to return for today. It was a day that neither he, Hunter, nor Ben had ever spoken of. They had never thought it would happen, and not speaking the words would mean less pain. However, it happened. The day was here and they still hadn’t spoken about it, really.

Michael turned and headed back into his own bedroom, standing at the end of the bed, watching Ben sleep. When the light came in from the window just right and played across Ben’s face, Michael could almost swear he was an angel. His face was peaceful, his hair looked so golden with the sun reflecting the color. Michael only prayed that one day, when the end came that Ben would look this --- He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, and focused on the day. He climbed into the bed softly, sliding under the covers and trying to make sure he did not wake Ben just yet. He positioned his body next to his lover’s and ran his fingers slowly up and down his chest. Ben’s body moved slightly, and a small moan escaped his lips when Michael’s hand brushed against Ben’s toned abs. Michael smiled softly to himself. Through the years, Ben’s body had -if it were possible- only gotten more attractive. He realized that Ben took good care of himself before ever meeting Michael, and that he did so because he thought it was a healthy way to combat his disease. But even after all these years, when Ben would slide his shirt off before stepping into the shower, Michael couldn’t help but smile to himself and think he kept himself that way for his husband.

Michael slid his hand farther down Ben’s stomach, watching Ben’s body begin to squirm. When his hand slipped past the waist band of Ben’s shorts, Michael began to lick his lips, watching Ben’s body start to flush with color, listening to the soft moans that came from Ben’s parted lips, and feeling his hips arch off the bed. Michael leaned down, pressing his lips against Ben’s ears and whispered quietly “Wake up, babe.” Ben opened one eye lazily and shifted his body, turning towards Michael, reaching out to stroke Michael’s face lovingly. “I didn’t want to wake up, I was having the most fantastic dream.” He sighed softly and winked at Michael.

Michael’s smile was contagious, and suddenly Ben couldn’t help himself from grinning widely. “What’s that look for?” Ben asked. Michael leaned down and pressed his lips against Ben’s softly at first, then more eagerly. He moaned softly and pulled back so their lips were just barely touching. “Our son turns 21 today.” Michael blinked away a few tears, turning his head so Ben wouldn’t see. If you would have asked him five years ago or even 2 years ago if both Ben and Hunter would be around for this milestone birthday, Michael wouldn’t have said a word.

Through the last three years, there had been numerous hospital stays, different medications, colds, infections, fevers. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Michael had been able to dream of this day. There was something about Hunter turning twenty one that made the entire battle worthwhile. And now there were new milestones for Michael to start wishing for – Hunter’s wedding, his and Ben’s 15th anniversary, JR’s 18th birthday.

Michael looked over at his husband and Ben smiled weakly. He knew that look. Michael was daydreaming, and probably about their 95th wedding anniversary. Michael’s eyes would cloud over, and become so light. It was almost as if you could see his soul at that moment, if you looked closely. For the first few years they were together, Ben had discouraged Michael every time this would happen. But then he realized it was something that Michael needed. He needed to have hope that Ben would be there to help him through JR’s dating, or through Hunter’s marriage troubles.

Ben sighed softly and reached over to stroke Michael’s cheek. As wonderful as the daydreams had become for Michael, as much as they were an escape, they were also a nightmare. As soon as Michael would focus back into reality, and look at Ben, his eyes would become incredibly dark, and there was very little his lover had found that would bring him back to Ben at that moment. He positioned his body over Michael’s quickly, leaning down to kiss Michael’s lips gently, looking into his eyes. “Come back to me, Brown Eyes..” Michael wouldn’t even look at him yet. He nuzzled his head into the crook of Michael’s neck, kissing him softly.

”Jesus – Is this what you had me fucking come back for? To watch you guys fuck again? I haven’t missed this at all you know.” Ben looked over his shoulder to see Hunter standing in the doorway. With him gone, the house had been pretty quiet, and the quiet, bedroom-closed sex had given way to free reign of the house. They had forgotten to shut the door. Ben laughed softly and Michael pushed against his chest, looking at Hunter. “Listen you little shit, you came home because it’s your 21st birthday and you’re going to spend time with your family and you’re going to fucking pretend like you like it.” Ben smiled widely as he listened to Michael. Hunter was another thing that could always snap Michael from the dark place his mind took him too when he thought of the imminent future.

Hunter plastered on a huge grin and bounded into the bedroom. “Stop being all mushy already and tell me about how you bought me a pony for my birthday.” He jumped on the end of the bed, giving Ben a knowing look and berating Michael with questions about what Michael had gotten him for his birthday. Ben chuckled to himself, and for just a moment, he allowed himself to imagine what Hunter’s 22nd birthday was going to be like.